AP²: In a Funk While Finding Answers

Disclaimer: This is a rambling blog with not much of an update... you have been forewarned!

Anyone that knows me well knows that I am a weirdo in the sense that I freak out during big changes.. Case and point.. It took Adam 9 years to convince me that taking a leap of faith and get married... Its not that I did not love Adam or trust that he was the one.. its just changes FREAK ME OUT! I am definitely the type of person that believes in the motto that if it ain't broke don't fix it...

Picture has nothing to do with blog post.. but pictures are entertaining :)

I am sure other people that know me very well as well are shaking their head as they read this thinking.. um you moved 6 hours away for college to Lubbock (which is NOTHING like SA town), moved to Houston, the fourth largest city in the U.S, for my career away from most close friends and family, and I recently just bought a house in a matter of a month once again away from most of my friends in Houston! Seems to me that I prove my theory wrong every step of the way...

Now let me let you in on a secret... I may walk the walk of confidently changing my life and never looking back, but in reality I have mild freak outs for ALL changes. I told you I am weird..

Examples:

No relation to college besides the fact that I was drinking a bloody mary when I was LBK bound... :)

1) College: Now don't get me wrong I was so excited to go to college, be independent, and on my own figuring out what life was all about! However, I still remember my mom and Adam's mom helping me move into my dorm room at Horn Hall in late August probably 8 years ago (OMG I am OLD.. HOW has it been 8 years since I left for college?!?!) and moving my whole life into that little room. Also, I remember how the next day my mom and bro bro said goodbye and drove away. I had a big, brave smile but as soon as they drove away I am pretty sure I had my mild freak out/cry inner session. I remember walking back to my dorm room and having my roomie (which I did not know) and her whole family arrive at the room and feeling overwhelmed.. I just lied and told them I had friends I needed to visit and I walked around the university... by myself trying to convince myself that 6 hours away from home was a good idea.. and guess what? It was.. and I loved it.. but it was a hard transition at first.

Adam carrying all of our groceries! :)

2) Houston: Once again I was way excited to move to Houston and be close to Adam since I was so over being apart the the previous 8 months of the year and I was ready to be on my own again.. (Love my family but after being on your own in college.. moving back home just makes you go a bit stir crazy!) However, I remember after we moved into our apartment that once Adam's parents and my mom went home and Adam went to work the next day.. I had my mini freak out. OMG I am leaving in a new city and everything has changed ha. I of course once again got used the city and I grew accustomed to living here and I love this city..

I got this fortunate cookie during busy season.. probably a month before we found our house.. weird right?

3) House: Omg the HOUSE! You have no idea friends. Adam worked on getting me used to the idea of moving into a house for probably over a year... Poor patient hubby.. He looked and re-looked at HAR and shared houses with me and I told him always he was crazy... every.single.time. I always said we were too young and broke.. (did I mention too young?) to buy a house. Fast forward to this March.. I still called Adam crazy.. but I humored him for good ol' times sake. (I mean that's what you do in a marriage compromise and try new things, right?)

I LOVED the house and decided to humor Adam some more.. I mean who usually puts an offer on a house and gets it the next day in today's market?! Well apparently us.. OMG.. you have no idea. I was so excited and then the dread crept in. You can ask Adam.. for the next month I was a nervous wreck. I told Adam every.single.day how much I was going to miss our apartment, the galleria area, my grocery store, the lazy Sunday afternoon walks to Target (don't judge), the quick walks to Starbucks and Antone's, the fact that my job was 15 minutes away, my gym, etc (I believe you have gotten the obnoxiousness of my drama). This happened up to after we moved in to this house! I still have my moments that I am saddened and miss our little tiny one bedroom apartment. I know people.. I am just a weird individual. No worries though I do love the house, believe it was a great decision to buy, and will love it even more once ~~Adam~~ we finishes the house project on my office (hint hint.. nudge nudge.. Are you reading this hubsters?!)

~~One of~~ my nemesis.. the fire place at the house... I promise to blog about it soon.. once I finish it ~~or give up~~ :)

But to my (blog) point.. changes have always created lots of anxiety and internal conflict (Am I the only one? I sure hope not!) and Adam has earned his place in heaven b/c he is quite an angel for marrying crazy ol' me :). Now for the new change I am trying to get used to is my promotion.. very exciting.. but at the same time very scary.. and with promotions comes not only more responsibility but new thoughts of what are my career choices.. catch my drift?! So if everyone could just keep me in their thoughts for the next year or so as I try to figure out what my career is all about I would appreciate it. Pep talks are always welcomed!

One last rambling related side note.. A recent fortunate cookie I got said the following: "Doing what you love is freedom. Loving what you do is happiness." <~ This is where I am at...one day at a time trying to achieve this!